I discovered Adrenal fatigue during my time after the Great move to the country, fleeing for some much need simpler times and time tables and timeout. I couldn’t make a great case with a little of this and little of that in the stress of my life’s situations individually, but when added up and maintained and perpetuated is and was a formula for a perfect storm.
Perfect rest in moving to the country was the plan. Yes, air and acres is not what I needed. Sunshine was not available through the trees, the reason the Knight wanted the house. A sin to one so depressed, provoking further plunging into lack of vitamin D. A fog strangely fading the view to the outside world. Hindering, really, true rest, suffering to get to socialize even more, contrasting the actual leading to the country.
Knowing the place is doing some good, less neighbors, box houses and peoples. For a year, we walked between two worlds, traveling to church and comfort, discouraged by the miles and the time and the weather. The decision to settle: calling. Not knowing how to express the pendulum of emotions.
I used to feel “if we moved, it would be better”. Harmonious, country living. Norman Rockwell’ish. But the inhabitants of the area had been in the trenches of war and childbirth and teens and deaths and education: together. A lovely arabesque shade of subculture. The formless symbiotic culture we were not apart. It tires one who is not. My heart longs to seize to be part of the glob. Hedges and walls like an English garden yet, not so delicate and dainty, that’s what I constructed. My finicky reactions to my historicity and turmoil. Alone. Feeling met with heavy opposition to being a part.
These are the emotions that led me to seek help. To seek sunshine. Not outside beyond the trees, but sunshine outside in the community. Son-shine was lost, for these were to have been His. Hope lost. Faith a struggle.
Seeking help makes one feel how unaware and how weary when marking all the ailments on the list. Check marks staining my history onto the paper. Sculpting a form of me. The broken me.
Then. The diagnosis. Adrenal Failure.